You see her. Your heart beats faster. You know you should go over. And then – nothing happens. You just stand there, thinking, mentally drafting the perfect line, discarding it, drafting again. And while you’re still thinking, she’s gone. And you kick yourself for the rest of the night.
If that sounds familiar: welcome. You’re in the right place.
I’m Christian, Empathic Pickup Artist, and I’ve been doing this for over 15 years. I started at 15 and it took me three full years before I had even a single success with a woman. Three years of rejections, silence, turned shoulders, and the feeling of simply not being good enough. Today I have thousands of approaches behind me, hundreds of dates, and I’m in a relationship with a woman I approached.
In this article I’ll explain the different types of openers, when to use which one, and I’ll share the three specific lines I developed myself that work better for me than anything else. Tested in hundreds of real situations – on the street, in clubs, abroad.
But before we get to the lines, we need to talk about something more important.
Let’s Be Honest: You’re Scared
You’re not reading this article because you’re looking for the perfect line. You’re reading it because you’re scared. Approach anxiety. The fear of rejection, of getting turned down, of coming across as a creep or being laughed at.
I’m telling you this so directly because I couldn’t admit it myself for years. And because the first step is saying it out loud.
The good news: this fear is completely normal. It’s even biologically explainable. Human beings are wired to live in small groups of a few hundred people. Our instincts come from that era. In a group that small, there were only a handful of women who could be potential partners. Getting rejected by one of them was a real catastrophe – because a second chance was rare.
Today it’s completely different. You live in a world with millions of women. In every city, every club, on every street. But your brain hasn’t caught up yet. Your instincts still react as if a single rejection means the end of your chances. It doesn’t. It means absolutely nothing.
And now something I really want to drive home, because it completely changed the way I think:
I don’t mean that harshly. I mean it as liberation. If you approach a woman in a supermarket, maybe two or three people turn around for a second. That effect lasts about 5 seconds. Then they move on. People genuinely don’t care what you’re doing.
Look at the homeless people in your city. They’re probably doing exactly what you’d be most afraid of – wearing torn clothes, smelling bad, sometimes causing a scene in public. And what happens? Everyone just walks past. Nobody stops. Nobody stares.
So seriously: nobody really cares what you do. And if that’s true, choose what makes you happy in the end.
Meeting your dream woman because you had the courage to approach her on the street – that will make you happy. You’ll be so proud of yourself, I promise you that.
Here’s an example from my own experience of what a rejection actually looks like in real life:
Watch closely. She says she has a boyfriend. I smile, wish her a nice day, and move on. The whole thing took 15 seconds. No drama, no pain, no embarrassment. Did anyone turn around? No. Did anyone laugh? No. And that’s exactly how 90% of rejections go – far less dramatic than what you imagine in your head.
Fear understood, fear put into perspective. Now let’s talk solutions.
What Is an Opener?
An opener is not the whole conversation. It’s just the door opener – the first 5 seconds in which you capture a woman’s attention.
Think of it like the hook of a YouTube video. The first few seconds decide whether someone keeps watching or scrolls past. Approaching women works the same way: the opener decides whether she listens to you or walks away.
Important: right after the opener, you need to keep the conversation flowing seamlessly. Think ahead about what you’ll say next. I usually briefly mention something about myself – why I’m here, what I’m doing, something casual. The opener opens the door, but you have to walk through it. Silence after the opener is deadly.
Before I share my three best openers, you first need to understand that there are two fundamentally different systems.
Direct vs. Indirect – The Two Systems
Direct: Honest and Straight to the Point
With a direct opener, you openly tell the woman you’re interested. No detour, no pretense. You walk up and say it simply.
- “Hey, I just noticed you.”
- “Hey, I think you’re cute. What’s your name?”
- “Hey, I know this is a little unusual, just approaching someone on the street like this, but I had to.”
The strength: honesty and simplicity. No games. You like her, so you go. That’s brave, that’s authentic, and that’s exactly what I mean by Empathic Pickup – attracting women as your true self, without masks.
Another advantage people underestimate: direct is time-efficient. You’re essentially forcing the woman to decide quickly whether she sees you romantically or not. No beating around the bush, no false hope.
The downside: it can come across as blunt. Many women would actually benefit from a short warm-up phase before making a romantic decision. That’s why it’s extremely important to keep talking right after the opener. Pull her into a conversation, tell her something about yourself. The opener alone isn’t enough.
Direct works great for Daygame – on the street, in the park, in the supermarket. Women rarely get approached during the day, and an honest, direct approach is almost always respected. Even if she’s not interested.
I personally prefer Direct because it fits my philosophy as an Empathic Pickup Artist: authenticity above everything.
Indirect: The Subtle Entry
With an indirect opener, you don’t reveal any romantic intent upfront. You start neutral and work your way toward flirting over the course of the conversation.
Example: “Hey, do you know how to get to the train station from here?” She answers, you keep the conversation going, and at some point you say: “You know what, you’re actually really cool. We should grab a coffee sometime.”
The ultimate pickup classic: “Who lies more – men or women?” This almost always leads to a fascinating conversation, and the path to getting her number isn’t far from there.
Advantage: feels more natural when done well.
Disadvantage: beginners almost never manage to transition from a platonic conversation into a flirt. You talk for ten minutes about the train station and then can’t bring yourself to change the subject. It’s also more time-consuming and slightly less honest. But still completely legitimate.
| Direct Opener | Indirect Opener |
|---|---|
| Honest and direct – you show interest immediately | Subtle and low-pressure – no romantic intent at the start |
| Time-efficient – quick decision on whether there’s interest | More time-consuming – slow build required |
| Ideal for Daygame | Works in many situations |
| Can seem blunt if you don’t keep talking after | Hard to transition to flirting (especially for beginners) |
| Authentic – fits Empathic Pickup | Can feel dishonest |
In Daygame, both work. There are also many variations in between. But in Nightgame? That’s where it gets more complicated.
Bonus: The Abroad Opener
When you’re abroad – for example here in Budapest, where I live and coach – there’s one opener that’s unbeatable in its simplicity:
“Hey, sorry – can you speak English?”
Sounds simple, but it’s strategically clever. If she says yes, you’ve immediately started a so-called yes-ladder – she’s already agreed with you once, and psychologically it’s easier to keep the interaction going after that. You then transition directly: “Cool – I just saw you and thought you looked really nice. I’m Christian.”
And if she says no? Then it’s not a rejection aimed at you. It’s just the language barrier. Your ego stays completely intact, and you simply move on to the next one.
Why Direct and Indirect Don’t Work Well in Nightgame
In a club, neither classic Direct nor Indirect really works well.
Indirect is too boring. In a loud club with music and distractions, nobody wants a platonic conversation about directions to the train station. By the time you get to the point, she’s already turned away.
Direct is too blunt. “Hey, I think you’re cute” – she’s already heard that from three other guys tonight. It gets lost.
What works in Nightgame are openers that immediately create tension, curiosity, and playfulness. Openers where she doesn’t immediately know how to react – and responds exactly because of that.
That’s why I developed and perfected three openers over the years that outperform everything else. Tested hundreds of times, in different countries, in different clubs.
My 3 Best Openers
1. The Push-Pull Opener
“Hey, I think you’re sweet – but you look like trouble.”
This is pure gold. You give her a compliment (you’re sweet) and immediately take it half back (but you look like trouble). This is called Push-Pull: you pull her in and playfully push her away at the same time.
Why does this work so well? Because she doesn’t know how to react. Should she say thank you? Defend herself? In most cases the best thing happens: she laughs. And once she laughs, you’re in. The mood is light, the tension is there, and you have her full attention.
Push-Pull is one of the most powerful principles in all of pickup. You show interest but keep control. You don’t give away all your power like you would with a pure compliment. That’s the crucial difference.
Confident, direct eye contact is mandatory with this opener. Whether you smile broadly or deliver it seriously doesn’t matter – I’ve tested both hundreds of times and both work equally well. What matters is that you look her in the eyes and radiate confidence.
2. The James Bond Opener (my own development)
“Hey, I’m Christian.” (Calmly, confidently extend your hand)
So simple it almost sounds ridiculous. I developed and perfected this opener myself over the years. Why? Because I eventually understood that no clever line in the world works as well as pure self-confidence.
You walk up to her, introduce yourself – calm, like James Bond, with direct eye contact – and extend your hand. No joke, no trick, no line. Just you and your name.
Look her in the eyes seriously. Hold the tension. That tension is exactly what makes this opener so powerful. Look at how James Bond introduces himself to a woman – he doesn’t grin like a schoolboy. He’s calm, confident, serious. That’s the energy you want to project. Practice it in front of the mirror until it feels natural.
The chance that she takes your hand is extremely high. Out of brief instinct, people reach out when someone confidently extends their hand. In that moment, physical contact is established and the conversation has begun.
What makes this opener so strong is not the words – it’s the presence behind them. You don’t need a clever line when you carry yourself in a way that makes her think: Who is this guy? I’ll give him a chance.
This opener is also perfect for beginners: easy to remember, hard to mess up, and it forces you into exactly the behavior that women find attractive – eye contact, upright posture, calm voice. I’ve used it more than any other opener in my entire career.
3. The Nationality Opener (my own development)
“Hey, you look like you’re from [fitting nationality].”
I also developed this opener myself, and it works especially well in international cities and clubs – anywhere people from different countries gather.
You guess her background. And whether you’re right or wrong, a conversation starts immediately. Guessed right? She’s impressed. Guessed wrong? She laughs and tells you where she’s actually from. Either way you’re in a conversation and it feels completely natural.
Almost every woman responds to this opener. Seriously, almost every single one. It’s a harmless, curious question that people answer almost reflexively. That’s why this is my recommendation for absolute beginners – it’s the easiest of the three and requires the least amount of courage. The other two create a more impressive effect, but you should practice them a few times in front of the mirror before trying them live.
In this clip from my interview with my girlfriend, I explain these openers in detail – and we talk about how I actually met her.
The Opener That Beats All Others
Now the most important thing. What most people don’t understand, and what I say with absolute conviction after 15 years:
A situational opener beats every memorized line. Every single time.
You react to what you actually see in that moment. She’s holding a coffee – comment on the coffee. She has a huge piece of lint on her jacket – comment on the lint. She’s obviously lost her friends – mention it. She looks sad, incredibly happy, totally drunk – react to what’s actually happening in front of you.
This is always stronger than any prepared line. Because it shows you’re present in the moment. That you actually see her. That you’re not running a script. Women feel the difference immediately.
A personal example: when I met my girlfriend, I didn’t use any of my three standard openers. I said something about Vikings because with her blonde hair and blue eyes she looked like a Viking woman to me. It was spontaneous, a little crazy – and it created an instant connection that no memorized line in the world could have created.
My three openers are your safety net. They always work when you can’t think of anything situational. But if something situational comes to mind: use that. It will be better.
The Mistake That Ruins Everything: You’re Too Quiet
Now the most important practical tip in this entire article. More important than any line, any technique, any system.
If you come across as insecure, you’ve lost. Almost guaranteed.
And the most common way to project insecurity is speaking too quietly. You mumble your opener, she doesn’t hear you, asks “What?”, and you repeat it even more quietly. It’s over before it started.
At minimum. In a club I deliberately speak almost 100% too loud. Sometimes I’m practically shouting. And I’m telling you: it makes a massive difference. It’s not arrogance – it’s presence. A loud, clear voice signals confidence on a level that words alone can never reach.
Remember this: the line is at most 20% of the opener. The other 80% is your voice, your body language, and your energy.
When opening, try to look as relaxed and casual as possible. Loose body language, arms hanging naturally, no tension. Walk up to her as if you already know her and expect a positive outcome. And after the opener? Keep talking immediately. No pause. No silence. You’re in the middle of a conversation – not an interrogation.
I’ll go deeper on the right inner game and mental mindset for approaching women in my next article: Inner Game – The Right Mindset Before Approaching (coming soon on this blog).
For Beginners: Start Here
If you’ve never approached a woman before, start with Direct. Go outside during the day and when you see a woman you like, say:
“Hey, I just noticed you. I’m [your name].”
Why Direct? Because it’s the most honest and simple approach. No script, no timing, no complicated transition. You say what’s what. Done.
In a club? If you’re an absolute beginner, start with the Nationality Opener – “Hey, you look like you’re from Italy” – because almost every woman responds and you can barely go wrong. If you’re feeling a bit braver, use the James Bond Opener. “Hey, I’m [name].” Extend your hand, look serious, hold the tension. That’s all you need.
Later you can experiment – Push-Pull, situational openers, nationality guessing. But right now, at the start, there’s only one rule:
Simply starting is infinitely more important than starting perfectly.
Out there exist what we call Yes-Girls. These are women who are actively looking for a partner right now. Let’s say 1 in 20 women is a Yes-Girl. That means: even if you handle things really badly, you always have a few percent chance of running into a Yes-Girl who would have said yes anyway.
This isn’t to say you don’t need game – but it shows you that the odds are better than you think. So get out there.
Go out. Say something. And say it a little louder next time.
Final Thoughts
A good opener opens the door. What happens after that – the tension, the chemistry, the escalation – that’s the real game. And that’s where it gets truly complex and exciting: how do you build attraction? How do you read her body language? How do you guide the conversation from small talk to flirting? How do you get her number? How do you turn that number into a date?
We’ll cover all of that in the next articles. The opener is the first step. But without it, there is no second.
And every single opener you deliver – whether it works or not – makes you better, more confident, and more attractive. I promise you that.
This article is part of my series on Empathic Pickup – a systematic, field-tested approach that teaches men to attract women authentically, without manipulation and without causing harm. Also read: Dating Coach vs. Pickup Artist – What’s the Difference?
About the Author
Christian is an Empathic Pickup Artist, certified NLP Trainer (Practitioner, Master, Trainer, Co-Trainer) and dating coach based in Budapest. With over 15 years of pickup experience, 10 years as a police officer, and thousands of real-world approaches, he combines field experience with psychological depth. His infield videos on YouTube prove that he doesn’t just talk – he lives it.